his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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