Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was born a porn star she said
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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