He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
