I'm really into asian looking animals
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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