it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
