Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
