I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
