her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize