the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's like iHOP with fire
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
