i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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