My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm passing your future prison.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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