how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
