My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it hurts more in the daytime
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
