Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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