I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
