Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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