So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
