Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We have started to decorate penises.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
