Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
