Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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