Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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