He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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