My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Green mimosas i think yes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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