he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
