i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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