can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
