Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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