Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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