Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
