I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
