im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The air was thick with penises
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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