My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
