Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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