I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
