Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
