So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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