I'm passing your future prison.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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