i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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