My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
