I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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