all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
