I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
