yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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