wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
