I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
