Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
