i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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