please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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