she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
