Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
