Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
