You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
