Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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