she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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