Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
as a side note pls kill me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
