is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
