Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
