College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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