I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
