You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
