A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
