So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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