we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
