A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
