Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
