Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
