Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
