ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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