I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize