You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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