I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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