Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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