Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
