I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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