Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
