Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
