I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
