I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
