You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
