your parents love me but you hate me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
