went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this hospital has no fireball
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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