see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
