Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
