I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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