Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
