We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize