I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
