The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
