if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
