why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
