I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
