Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got chris browned last night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
