Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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