As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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