i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
